Pastor’s Kid Admits She’s Weak, But Jesus Is Strong

Kelsi Drollinger sharing at chapel

In chapel on November 20, junior Kelsi Drollinger told the whole school, “I am evil in my flesh.” She said, “I am too weak.” Indeed, she told us we’re evil and weak too. But she said there is hope — in abiding in Jesus and letting His Spirit lead us.

Kelsi taught from Romans 7 and 8 and shared why it’s so important for followers of Jesus to abide in Him and be led by the Holy Spirit: because we have no power of our own to live God’s way. We must daily depend on Him. Kelsi shared about her pride and the performance issues she was having in her faith. Now, she’s learning to “sit in silence” with God. Everything she shared is relatable to Judah students, especially those who grow up in the shadow of their parents’ faith. 

Here’s what Kelsi said:

I have gone to Judah almost my whole life, and I have been a pastor’s kid for even longer.

I’ve known all the things and followed most of the rules, but I could never understand why it wasn’t as real for me as it was for some of the people around me. Of course, I knew that God was good, but when I saw someone who was so overwhelmed by His goodness that they couldn’t speak of anything else, I was confused. 

I knew that God was faithful, but when I didn’t see Him answer my prayers the way I wanted Him to, I didn’t understand why. I knew that I needed a Savior, but when that Savior asked to rule my life as Lord, I didn’t know how to let Him, and I’m not even sure I wanted to. 

I struggled with this, to the point of ignoring these issues with my faith — and maybe even, for a while, just ignoring my faith itself — until the Judah high school retreat of my sophomore year. Mr. Neethling, our Bible teacher at the time, was preaching about the weight of Psalm 139, verses 23 and 24, which say, “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.”

Mr. Neethling pointed out that sometimes we so carelessly pray for this that we don’t really listen for an answer. He said it was a dangerous prayer, because when God searches us for things that don’t line up with His plan, we have to give some things up. So I finally decided to pray this prayer and mean it. 

I was not a fan of the answer I got. I realized that I had been staying in my comfort zone more than I was seeking and abiding in the Comforter Himself.

And here’s the thing: there’s nothing good that can come from staying in my comfort zone.

If I went into volleyball, never going to practice, never conditioning, never eating anything but pizza, and never sleeping, then how would I be any help to the team? Could anyone even consider me a part of the team?

Let’s be honest: if we were left to our comfort zone, that’s all we would do. If we could sit on the couch for hours on end, doom-scrolling or watching TV, and still be the best player on the team, wouldn’t we all do it? But we know that’s not how it works. And if that’s not how it works in something as simple as a sport, why would it work like that in something eternal?

The answer is it doesn’t. Faith is not a one-time decision; it’s a daily choice.

It’s much harder to leave the comfort of our sin than it is to leave the comfort of our couch. In fact, even when we want to change for God, we can’t. Not on our own, that is. Not without the power of the Holy Spirit.

In Romans 7, Paul says that we are slaves to sin. He says that “I have the desire to do what is good but I cannot carry it out.” At the end of chapter 7, he says, “I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.” If we are Christians, we know God’s law and desire to change, but sin is still there, enslaving us, daring us to try to leave.

I know that I feel this all the time. It often feels like I’m climbing a ladder, going up three steps, falling down two; going up four more steps, falling down one; going up six steps, falling down ten. It is so easy to fall and feel like I should have done better, like I’m too weak.

Guess what? I am too weak! We are all too weak to fix ourselves or to consistently choose God’s way instead of dopamine comfort. There is no possible way that I can make myself holy. I am evil in my flesh.

The Bible itself says this in many spots, including Romans 7, verse 18, which says, “I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.” Jesus, in John 15, verse 5, says, “Apart from me you can do nothing.” Without the Holy Spirit in us, giving us His goodness, we truly are evil.

But there is hope. Romans 8, verses 12 and 13, say, “Therefore, brothers and sisters, we have an obligation — but it is not to the flesh, to live according to it. For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.”

“If, by the Spirit, we put to death the misdeeds of the body. . . .” We can’t do it without the Holy Spirit in our lives. We can’t do it without letting Him lead us every day. The Father gave us the law so that we could see our sins. Jesus died for us so that we could be saved from our sins. The Spirit fills us so that we can be free from our sins. If we let Him lead, the Holy Spirit makes us holy.

Zechariah 4, verse 6, says, “Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the LORD Almighty.” Without the Holy Spirit, we have no power to live God’s way. We must rely on Him every day, not on our own strength and power.

Paul, in Romans 8, verse 14, says, “For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God.” In verse 15, he says, “the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, ‘Abba, Father.’”

So, as a Christian, you can’t go just a little bit and stand still. It is called following Jesus for a reason. You and I have to abide in Jesus every day.

When you pray a prayer like that psalm that I prayed, the only next step that’s going to get you anywhere is pruning and obedience. As Jesus says in John 15, verse 2, “[The Father] cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.” 

Over the past year, I have been letting go of things that I tend to seek more than God, whether consciously or unconsciously There has never been a point where I could do that in my own will or strength, and I’ve found myself going to God — to the Holy Spirit — for help a lot more often. This began to help me grow in Jesus, little by little.

With this steady growth, I went into this year’s retreat expecting some big experience and maybe another big step in my faith. But what I got was definitely not what I expected. Of course, there were amazing sermons and workshops, but they didn’t seem quite as impactful for me. I was honestly kind of upset. On the last day, Mr. Sam Harris spoke, and I was getting desperate for an impactful experience with God. 

After his sermon, we had worship time, but all I could think about was how I looked to others while I worshiped. Though I tried to snap out of it, I couldn’t stop, so I finally decided to go and worship in a spot of the room where no one could see me unless they left the room. When I did this, I felt a weight lift from my chest. I have not worshiped like that in a long time. 

As I worshiped, the teachers began to dismiss those who wanted to play “capture the flag,” but they gave the option of staying in the room to pray and worship some more. I decided to go back up front and stay for a while. I just sat in God’s Presence. For a while, I just knelt there, worshiping and trying to focus, and I was praying that God would take away my thoughts of what other people think of me.

Eventually, Mr. Harris came up to me and asked if I needed prayer for anything. In my head, I was like “No, not really,” but that’s not what I ended up saying. Somewhere on the way from my brain to my mouth, those words got changed to “I really need help letting go of my pride.” 

This kind of surprised me. I didn’t know why I said that. I mean, sure, everyone could do with less pride, and me thinking about what other people thought of me was certainly distracting, but I didn’t remember deciding to ask for prayer for that, especially since I had only vaguely begun to pray for it myself. 

As Mr. Harris prayed for me, I began to think. I realized that I had been thinking that I only had to let go of what God had already told me to remove from my life. Thinking that I didn’t have anything else to set aside was complete and utter pride.

Even as I struggle with giving over a certain part of myself to God, there will always be more that He is calling on me to surrender to Him and His control. He doesn’t ask me to do it all at once, but I’m not just going to spend my entire life trying to surrender one thing. Pruning is not just God’s steady work on one branch but on many, so that I can look more and more like Jesus. 

As I realized this, I began to earnestly pray for the removal of that pride. By the time I went back to the group, I felt the joy of God’s presence in my heart. 

But I also felt the weight and impossibility of the task ahead of me. How could I possibly hope to get rid of pride when all sin is rooted in pride? How could I possibly hope to stop worrying about what others think and work on just sitting in His presence and think of others before myself and put God before everything, including my family, my friends, my plans, and even my life? I mean, how was that even possible? I’d barely been able to lay down what God had called me to the year before, and I messed up even something as simple as that all the time. 

However, the more I’ve thought about it, the more I’ve been reminded that it is by sitting in His presence — by abiding in Jesus and being led by His Spirit — that we are empowered to shine with His light in our words and actions. Your faith is made in the private places, and because of that, it’s evident in the public places.

Matthew 6, verse 33, says, “Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” When we seek God and His Kingdom above everything else, above obeying better, above the fruit of our lives, even above the people that we are called to show God to, then we will begin to draw closer to Him, and the things we were searching for will be added to us anyway.

Deuteronomy 4, verse 29, says, “You will seek the Lord your God and you will find him, if you search after him with all your heart and with all your soul.” We will only find more of Him when we continue to seek Him with all of our lives.

This message is repeated in many different verses. When we truly make the daily choice of picking up our crosses to follow Him and giving up our own will and ease to be led by the Holy Spirit, God rewards us with all that He has promised, which is often what we were searching for anyway. I’m sure that all of you have heard these things before, but it is very easy to let ourselves forget as we get caught up in the mundane and the longing to fulfill God’s plans for our lives.

There is a song that I like to think of when I get caught up in the rules and to-do lists of my faith, when I start trying to follow Jesus in my own strength and not by relying on the power of the Holy Spirit. It is called “Sit in Silence” by Cecily. The words are meant to be from the perspective of God, and they say this:

“I don’t need your perfect, polished words. You don’t have to put me on a show. You don’t have to be the loudest one in the room. You don’t have to be the loudest ’cause I hear you. Even the slightest whisper speaks volumes. Sit in silence, in the quiet. Hear my heart beat just for you. I know your heart better than you think. Your motives and your facades, they don’t hinder me.”  

You don’t ever have to earn or deserve God’s love. It is not by our words and testimonies or by our own strength that people are brought to their knees at His feet. It is by His words, His gospel, His perfection, and His Spirit that anyone has been, is, or will be saved.

When we think that it is up to us to be good enough to fulfill our side of the bargain, we forget the essential truth that as we spend time in His presence, He works in us and for us and through us. Though we have to carry our crosses, His presence makes the yoke easy and the burden light, but only when we seek Him more than we seek His works and power. When we go into our spiritual walks like this, there will be less and less room for pride and sin to have strongholds in our lives.

This poverty of spirit is exactly what God asks for when we come to Him. He doesn’t need your perfect works or continuous volunteering. Before He wants any of that, He wants your heart. He wants your surrender. He wants us to lean on Him. Again and again.

Kelsi showed us how to surrender our weakness and our pride by truly relying on God. We have to let God be in control every day, not us with our evil weak fleshly desires. She reminded us that we should be sitting in God’s presence instead of sitting on our dopamine couches all day.

—Eiralys Unzicker & Suzana Coulter, class of ’27